TURKEYS REVOLT AFTER U.S. SETS RECORD FOR MOST TURKEYS KILLED

With the United States setting a record for 89 million turkeys killed for thanksgiving, turkeys have decided to revolt. After escaping, the turkeys partnered with P.E.T.A. and called their cow cousins and chicken siblings. They attacked in late November and have started moving into New Jersey as of 12-1-24. Their original focus was on an army base in Maine and since taking it they have put up a very large flag in the housing area. Most of the turkeys are power hungry animals that want to tear down society but the small 2 percent that do not have taken control of their forces. The three main turkey generals have been named Bloodthirsty, Revengeful and No Survivors. Despite their bad naming, all the turkeys want is to live in a nice farm in Kansas with many humans to eat and farm. The chickens involved, being more peaceful than their turkey relatives, have been protesting random things from Lamborghinis being too loud to the U.S. killing too many turkeys. Despite a study by the ONION scientists claiming that nobody had been born for the past five years, more trusted scientists have come to the conclusion that the population has tripled since 2020.